Recognised Forms of Domestic Violence
What Is Coercive Control?
A plain-language guide to recognising coercive control, understanding the law and knowing you are not alone.
A plain-language guide to recognising coercive control, understanding the law and knowing you are not alone.
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used to dominate, isolate and control an intimate partner over time. It does not require physical violence. It is recognised across Australia as a form of domestic and family violence and became a criminal offence in New South Wales in 2024. Many women living with coercive control do not immediately recognise it as abuse because there is no visible violence and the pattern often develops gradually.
Coercive control is often invisible from the outside. Many women spend years inside it without a word for what is happening. These are some of the ways women describe their experience before they have found that word.
I know something is wrong but I cannot explain it to anyone. Even to myself.
My marriage is not right but I cannot put a label on it. From the outside it looks fine. Inside I feel like I am disappearing.
I spend more energy managing his moods than I do on anything else in my life.
I rehearse conversations before I have them so I do not say the wrong thing.
I feel relieved when he is not home. Then I feel guilty for feeling relieved.
I have stopped telling people things because explaining it is exhausting and I know how it sounds.
My friends think I have the perfect life. I do not know how to tell them that I am not sure I am okay.
I cannot remember the last time I made a decision without thinking about his reaction first.
I am competent in every area of my life, especially at work, except this one. And I cannot understand why.
I am too ashamed to tell people at work how I feel, so I keep faking it and hoping it will all go away.
He puts me down in front of the children. I smile and pretend it did not happen. Later I wonder what they are absorbing.
These are not signs of weakness or anxiety. They are common responses to living under ongoing control and fear. You do not need a label for what is happening before you reach out for support.
Coercive control is a pattern of ongoing behaviours used by one partner to establish and maintain power and control over the other. Unlike physical violence which occurs in distinct incidents, coercive control is a continuous state. It operates through accumulation. Each individual behaviour may seem minor or even reasonable. Together they create an environment of fear, obligation and restriction.
What Australian Law Says
In New South Wales, coercive control became a criminal offence on 1 July 2024 under amendments to the Crimes Act 2007. Queensland, Victoria, South Australia and Western Australia are each at various stages of introducing similar legislation.
Her Pathway Forward is a navigation service and does not provide legal advice. If you have concerns about coercive control in a legal context, we can coordinate a referral to an appropriately qualified family lawyer. If you are in immediate danger, please call 000.
Coercive control rarely operates through one mechanism alone. You do not need to recognise all of them for your experience to be valid.
Gradually reducing contact with friends, family and support networks so that the controlling partner becomes the primary or only relationship in a person's life.
He never told me I could not see my friends. He just made it difficult every time I tried. Over time it became easier to stop trying. I did not realise how alone I had become until I really needed someone.
Tracking movements, communications and activities. Checking phones, demanding to know whereabouts at all times, or using technology to locate a partner without consent.
He says he just worries about me. That he needs to know I am safe. I check in when I arrive somewhere so he does not stress. I thought that was just how couples worked.
Controlling access to money, monitoring spending, requiring justification for purchases or restricting financial autonomy regardless of who earns the income.
I have a salary deposited every fortnight. But every time I spend anything I have to account for it. It is my money. I earned it. But somehow I still feel like I need permission.
Consistently undermining self-worth through criticism, humiliation or making a partner feel stupid or incapable, sometimes privately and sometimes in front of others including the children.
The night before he said things I will never unhear. Words that cut in ways I am still processing. The next morning he walked in, said good morning like nothing happened, and then asked me why I was so grumpy. And somehow I am the one who ended up apologising.
Imposing rules about daily life and using punishment, withdrawal or anger when rules are not followed.
I rehearse conversations before I have them so I do not say the wrong thing. I know exactly which topics will start something. I have started to think of it as managing the situation. I did not realise I was managing him.
Using children as a tool of control through threatening custody, undermining parenting, involving children in conflict or using handovers as ongoing points of pressure.
He tells the children things about me. I can see it in their faces when they come home. I do not know how to protect them from something I cannot even fully explain.
Coercive control can be particularly hard to recognise when you are professionally capable, financially independent and outwardly successful.
If you are competent and capable in every other area of your life, it can be hard to understand why you cannot simply leave. But coercive control does not target people who lack capability. It exploits the very qualities that make someone an excellent partner, parent and professional.
I am competent in every area of my life, especially at work, except this one. And I cannot understand why.
One of the most isolating aspects of coercive control for professional women is the gap between how life looks from the outside and how it feels from the inside.
I am too ashamed to tell people at work how I feel, so I keep faking it and hoping it will all go away.
Professional women often have more to lose from disclosure, or believe they do. Her Pathway Forward was built for exactly this. Completely confidential, no workplace involvement unless you choose it.
In New South Wales, yes. Coercive control became a criminal offence on 1 July 2024 under amendments to the Crimes Act 2007. Queensland, Victoria, South Australia and Western Australia are at various stages of introducing similar legislation.
Her Pathway Forward does not provide legal advice. For legal questions about coercive control in your specific situation, we can coordinate a referral to a qualified family lawyer.
Yes. Coercive control does not require physical violence. It is defined by a pattern of behaviour used to dominate and control a partner. Many women experiencing coercive control have never experienced physical violence. The absence of physical harm does not make the experience less serious or less damaging.
It may be. One of the defining features of coercive control is that it is hard to name, especially from the inside. If you feel like something is wrong but cannot explain it, if you monitor your own behaviour to avoid his reactions, if you feel like you are disappearing inside your own life, these experiences are worth exploring with someone who understands the pattern. You do not need a label before you reach out.
Yes. Financial autonomy does not protect against coercive control. Financial abuse can operate even when both partners are employed, through monitoring spending, requiring justification for purchases, restricting access to accounts and using financial decisions as a tool of punishment or reward.
Feeling relief when a partner is absent is a significant signal that something in the relationship is causing fear or anxiety, even if you have not identified it as such. Relief is not a neutral feeling. It tells you something about what their presence means to you. If this is familiar, it is worth talking to someone who understands these patterns.
Yes, and this is one of the most important and least understood aspects of coercive control. Separation does not automatically end the pattern. Post-separation coercive control can operate through custody arrangements, child support disputes, ongoing legal proceedings, monitoring technology and communication harassment. Many women find that leaving begins a different phase of control rather than ending it. Support through this period is one of the core services Her Pathway Forward provides.
A free, confidential 30-minute conversation. Just you and Tanya.
No pressure, no obligation, no one else involved.
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Her Pathway Forward is a specialist domestic violence navigation service. We are not lawyers, therapists, financial advisors or mental health professionals. Nothing on this page constitutes legal, financial, therapeutic or professional advice. Our service is navigational in nature.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 000. For 24-hour crisis support: 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 | NSW Domestic Violence Line 1800 656 463 | Lifeline 13 11 14.
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