Is He Tracking Me? Technology, Surveillance and Coercive Control.

One of the most consistent patterns that emerges in coercive control is the need to know. Where she is. Who she is with. What she is saying. What she is doing. Technology has made coercive control significantly easier to maintain and significantly harder to detect.

The normalisation problem

Before we get to the technology, it is important to understand why this is so hard to recognise. Many of the tools used by coercive controllers to track and monitor partners were designed for entirely legitimate purposes. Parents use them for children. Friends use them to share location. Couples use them voluntarily.

That legitimate context is exactly what makes them so effective as tools of control. When he suggests installing Life360 as a family safety app, it is easy to accept. When Find My is already on both phones as part of the Apple ecosystem, the tracking feels incidental. When he asks her to leave location sharing on so he knows she is safe, it feels like care rather than surveillance.

I became so paranoid that I did not even dare have conversations in my own car or in my home without switching devices off. I was convinced he was recording me.

An Australian study found that most young people misinterpreted tracking a partner via Snapchat, Find My and Life360 as a protective behaviour and a sign of care and trust. Technology-facilitated abuse reports to Victoria Police have risen 650 per cent in five years. The tools are mainstream. The harm is invisible.

Location tracking: the tools he is most likely using

Life360

Life360 markets itself as Australia's number one family safety app. It provides continuous, real-time GPS location tracking. It shows where each family member is, how fast they are driving and the routes they have taken. In a coercive relationship, Life360 can be installed on a partner's phone under the guise of family safety. She may know it is there but feel unable to remove it because doing so will trigger a confrontation.

He messaged me asking why I had stopped the car. I was just dropping a friend home. That is when I realised he had been watching every movement.

Find My (Apple)

Apple's Find My app is built into every iPhone and iPad. A key vulnerability: Find My works across the entire Apple ecosystem. If she has agreed to share location on her iPhone, he can track her from his iPhone, iPad, Mac or Apple Watch. Removing the app from her phone does not necessarily stop him seeing her location if the sharing was set up through iCloud settings rather than the app itself.

Snapchat Snap Map

Snap Map shows the real-time location of Snapchat contacts on a map. Many people enable it without fully understanding what they have agreed to. A partner with access to Snapchat can see her location every time the app is open.

Google Maps location sharing

Google Maps allows users to share their real-time location with specific contacts indefinitely. This sharing can be hidden from the main Maps interface, making it difficult to detect unless she knows specifically where to look in her Google account settings.

AirTags and physical tracking devices

Apple AirTags are coin-sized devices costing approximately $45, available at every major electronics retailer. In a coercive control context they are placed in bags, in car wheel wells, sewn into clothing, or tucked inside children's backpacks. They transmit location data through the global network of Apple devices passively and silently.

Apple has introduced alerts that notify iPhone users if an unknown AirTag has been travelling with them. However Android users have significantly less protection. Third-party GPS trackers have no such alert system at all.

I found a small device attached to the underside of my car. I had no idea how long it had been there. No idea how much he had known.

Monitoring: what he can see on your phone and accounts

Shared Apple ID and iCloud

If both partners share an Apple ID or are logged into the same iCloud account, he can automatically see her messages, photos, call history, location and app activity across the entire Apple ecosystem including iPhone, iPad, Mac and Apple Watch without needing to install any additional software. This is one of the most commonly overlooked surveillance mechanisms because it is built into the platform itself and requires no technical knowledge to exploit. Many women discover their partner has had this passive access for years.

Similarly, shared Google accounts give access to Gmail, Google Drive, Google Photos, search history, location history and YouTube watch history.

Stalkerware

Stalkerware is software designed to be installed secretly on a target's phone to monitor calls, messages, emails, photos and location. It does not appear in the app list. It cannot be found by a standard search. It runs silently in the background. Installing stalkerware without consent is illegal across Australia.

Signs that stalkerware may be present: the phone runs unusually hot, the battery drains much faster than normal, data usage is significantly higher than expected, or the phone behaves strangely when she discusses anything sensitive.

Recording devices

Small recording devices are available online for under $50. They can be disguised as USB chargers, wall plugs or smoke detectors. In the context of coercive control, they are placed in cars, in the home, or in objects she carries regularly.

I had no idea he could hear what was happening in our home. I thought the arguments were him responding to things I had said. I did not know he had been listening to everything.

What Australian law says

This is genuinely complex because surveillance law in Australia varies significantly by state.

Tracking devices

Attaching a tracking device to a person or vehicle without consent is a criminal offence in all Australian states and territories. The NSW Surveillance Devices Amendment (Domestic Violence) Act 2024 specifically simplified prosecution of tracking device offences charged as domestic violence offences.

Recording conversations by state

State	Law	Consent Required
NSW	Surveillance Devices Act 2007	All-party consent. Maximum penalty 5 years imprisonment.
Victoria	Surveillance Devices Act 1999	One-party consent. You may record your own conversations.
Queensland	Invasion of Privacy Act 1971	One-party consent. You may record your own conversations.
Western Australia	Surveillance Devices Act 1998	All-party consent. One of the strictest regimes in Australia.
South Australia	Surveillance Devices Act 2016	All-party consent required.
Tasmania	Listening Devices Act 1991	All-party consent required.
Northern Territory	Surveillance Devices Act 2007	One-party consent. You may record your own conversations.
ACT	Listening Devices Act 1992	All-party consent required.

If he has been recording conversations in your home without your knowledge, he is likely committing a criminal offence regardless of where you live in Australia. If you want to record conversations for evidence, the rules depend on your state. In all-party consent states recording without his knowledge may itself be an offence, though courts have recognised narrow exceptions where safety is at stake.

Since 10 June 2025, a new statutory tort under the federal Privacy Act 1988 allows individuals to sue for serious invasions of privacy that are intentional or reckless. This includes recording a person's private activities without consent. Remedies include damages, injunctions and orders for destruction of material.

How to check if you are being tracked

Location sharing settings

• On iPhone: Settings → Privacy and Security → Location Services. Also check Find My → Share My Location to see who can see your location.
• On Android: Settings → Location → App permissions. Also check Google Maps → Share Location.
• Check myaccount.google.com → Data and Privacy → Location History.

Check for AirTags

• On iPhone: check your notifications for unknown AirTag alerts.
• Android users: download the Apple "Tracker Detect" app to scan for AirTags.
• Physically check your car under wheel arches, inside the boot and under the chassis. Check bags, luggage and children's school bags.

Check for shared accounts

• On iPhone: Settings → Your Name. Check which devices are signed into your Apple ID.
• Google: myaccount.google.com → Security → Your Devices.

Stalkerware

Stalkerware is extremely difficult to detect without professional help. The Technology Safety program at techsafety.org.au provides specialist advice. Do not attempt to remove suspected stalkerware yourself before getting advice as this may alert him or destroy evidence.

Digital safety before you leave

If he has access to your communications, your location or your devices, he may know you are planning to leave before you are ready for him to know.

• Use a device he does not have access to for any sensitive research or planning.
• Create a new email account on a device he cannot access.
• Clear your browser history after research on a shared device, or use incognito mode.
• Be aware that smart home devices may record conversations or show him who visits your home.
• If you call 1800RESPECT or a legal service, use a phone he cannot access.

If you find a tracking device

If you find a tracking device, the first thing to do is contact police. Installing a tracking device without consent is a criminal offence across all Australian states and territories. This is not a civil matter. It is a crime and police can act on it. Do not remove the device before speaking to police. It is evidence.

Photograph the device in situ before it is moved. Note the date, time and location you found it. In NSW, tracking device offences charged as domestic violence offences no longer require Attorney General consent to prosecute following 2024 reforms.

Frequently Asked Questions