For Women
After Leaving
Navigating what comes next. Because leaving is not always the end of the journey.
Navigating what comes next. Because leaving is not always the end of the journey.
Leaving a relationship where abuse, coercive control or financial abuse was present does not always end the experience. For many women, the abuse continues in different forms through custody arrangements, child support, legal proceedings, ongoing contact and the continued use of children as tools of control. Her Pathway Forward exists to navigate what comes after leaving, not just the moment of leaving itself.
When you leave, people celebrate. They tell you how brave you are. They say it will get better now. And in many ways it does. But nobody tells you about what comes next.
I thought leaving would be the hardest part. I had no idea what was waiting on the other side.
Everyone celebrated when I left. Nobody warned me about what came next.
I left thinking it would be over. It was just a different kind of hard.
There is no one chapter called after leaving. It is just a different version of the same thing, for a very long time.
Post-separation abuse is the continuation of controlling behaviour after a relationship has ended. It is recognised under Australian family violence law. The methods change because the direct access changes.
I left him. He did not leave me alone.
The calls still come. The messages still come. He writes to me like I still answer to him.
Leaving changed where I live. It did not change how controlled I feel.
He still stalks. I still check over my shoulder. I thought that would stop when I left.
Her Pathway Forward does not provide legal advice. If you are experiencing post-separation abuse, we can coordinate referrals to family lawyers and relevant support services. If you are in immediate danger, please call 000.
For most women who have left an abusive relationship, the children are simultaneously the greatest source of joy and the most painful ongoing vulnerability.
There have been days when my child was sick and crying and did not want to go. I had to hand them over anyway. There are no words for that.
My children are close to me. They find comfort with me. Handing them over to someone they do not feel safe with and watching them struggle, I carry that every single time.
My child has difficulties. I am the one who understands them. I am the one who knows what they need. None of that matters on handover day.
The arrangements change constantly. Just when I think we have settled into something, he changes it. I cannot plan anything. The children cannot settle.
He does not put the children first. He uses them. Every arrangement, every change, every dispute is about control. Not them.
One of the most painful and least discussed experiences of post-separation co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner is watching your children return from his care changed. Quieter. Withdrawn. Carrying something they cannot or will not say.
They come back to me unsettled. Something has shifted in them and I cannot ask what. They cannot tell me what they did, where they went, how they felt. I can see it in their faces that they have been told not to. So I just hold them and say nothing and carry it by myself.
My children come home to me like they have been told not to speak. I watch them decompress over hours. I never ask. I just wait for them to come back to themselves.
He tells the children things. I hear it in what they say when they come home. I smile and say nothing because involving them is the one line I will not cross.
He repartnered. The children do not like her. I am trying to support them through that without saying a single word about how I actually feel.
I have to co-parent with a man who is now building a life with someone else while using every legal mechanism available to make my life harder.
Child support is intended to ensure children are financially supported by both parents. In the context of post-separation abuse, it frequently becomes another mechanism of financial control.
Some months the money comes. Other months barely anything. Other months nothing at all. I never know which it will be so I cannot plan.
He plays the system. He knows exactly how to reduce what he pays and how long the recovery process takes. He uses that.
I am legally entitled to support for my children. Enforcing that entitlement takes months and costs me energy I do not have.
The inconsistency is deliberate. I know it is deliberate. And there is almost nothing I can do about it quickly.
The recovery process through Services Australia takes time. During that time, she absorbs the shortfall. She adjusts, she manages, she does not let the children see it. And he knows that is exactly what she will do.
Her Pathway Forward does not provide financial or legal advice. We can coordinate referrals to financial counsellors and family lawyers who can assist with child support matters.
One of the defining features of post-separation life after an abusive relationship is how much a woman carries that is invisible to everyone around her.
I am managing his behaviour, the children's emotions, my own grief and still functioning as a professional. Every single day.
This is not weakness. This is one of the most demanding things a person can do. And it deserves support that acknowledges its actual complexity.
Not always. For many women, leaving ends the direct day-to-day abuse but begins a different phase of control. Post-separation abuse is recognised under Australian family violence law and can include ongoing harassment, custody and child support manipulation, continued stalking and the use of children as tools of ongoing control. Leaving is not always the end of the journey. It is often the beginning of a different chapter that also requires navigation and support.
Post-separation abuse refers to the continuation of controlling, coercive or abusive behaviour after a relationship has ended. Because direct access is reduced after separation, the methods often change, shifting to legal systems, financial systems, children and technology as the primary mechanisms.
Constantly changing parenting arrangements is a recognised pattern of post-separation control. While some changes are genuinely necessary, a pattern of frequent, destabilising changes that create anxiety for the children and exhaust the other parent is not normal and is not in the best interests of the children. Her Pathway Forward can coordinate referrals to family lawyers who specialise in this area.
Inconsistent child support payments can be addressed through Services Australia's Child Support program, which has enforcement mechanisms including income garnishing and departure prohibition orders. The process takes time and energy that many women do not have, which is itself a form of ongoing financial control. Her Pathway Forward can coordinate referrals to financial counsellors who can assist.
Her Pathway Forward does not provide legal or financial advice. We coordinate referrals to appropriately qualified professionals.
Children who return unsettled, withdrawn or unable to talk about their time there are often carrying something they have been told not to share. Keeping records of what you observe, maintaining open but unpressured communication with your children, and seeking support from a child psychologist can help. Her Pathway Forward can coordinate referrals to appropriate child and family support services.
Yes. The effects of coercive control do not disappear when the relationship ends. The hypervigilance, the monitoring of your own behaviour, the fear of his reaction, these patterns were conditioned over time and take time to shift. This is a recognised response to prolonged coercive control, not a personal failing.
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Her Pathway Forward is a specialist domestic violence navigation service. We are not lawyers, therapists, financial advisors or mental health professionals. Nothing on this page constitutes legal, financial, therapeutic or professional advice. Our service is navigational in nature.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 000. For 24-hour crisis support: 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 | NSW Domestic Violence Line 1800 656 463 | Lifeline 13 11 14.
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